If you’re just a regular schmuck like me, then you know that not having a job can make eating rather difficult. In fact, not having some form of income makes everything more difficult, and you can forget sailing away. Unfortunately, try as I might, I’m terrible at winning the lottery. I’m also terrible at finding hidden treasures, being a real estate tycoon, running Ponzi schemes, inheriting fortunes and any other activity that might fatten my bank account. I know, I know… boohoo, right?
Yep, they call me a working man. I got my first job at Nick’s Frozen Custard when I was 13 years old, and I’ve pretty much been at it in one form or fashion ever since. As of today, I have spent nearly 28 years doing the following:
- Custard Cowboy
- Pizza Pirate
- Lawn Mowing Lacky
- Dishwashing Denizen
- Caustic Cook
- Telemarketing Pain-in-the-Ass
- Assembly Line Assembler
- Magazine Subscription Card Stuffer
- Cubicle Jerk
- U.S. Marine
- Aircraft Mechanic
- Working/Starving Student
- Park Management
It seems like I’ve done a little bit of everything over the years. But, it’s sure hard to beat that frozen custard gig. Think about it… 13 years old and all of the frozen custard I could eat. It’s a good thing Nick’s went out of business, otherwise I might still be there! Then again, after all of that frozen custard, I probably wouldn’t have to buy a boat – I’d be buoyant enough on my own! Really, the main difference between who I was five years ago and who I am today is not how I make my money, it’s that I now plan to live on a boat for the foreseeable future. Some buy a house. I bought a boat.
If you substitute the word “boat” with “housing,” then my survival costs are similar to a lot of people’s. I’ve got to maintain the boat. Insure the boat. Dock the boat. Fuel the boat. Put food on the table. Replace my skivvy drawers when they fall apart. Pay the taxman. Pay the doctor. Pay the dentist. Save for retirement. You can probably guess where this is going, but, if not, I’ll spell it out for you.
I still have to work. Boohoo again, right?
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “What do you do for money, you lazy bum?” The short answer is, “Whatever pays the bills!” I’ve scraped together a multitude of skills over the years, and I can do just about anything. It just so happens that some of those skills translate well to freelancing and working via the internet. That’s great for someone on the move!
Just like you, I’d rather not spend every minute of the day working. And, just like you, I want to relax, drink some beers, make time with my girl, take a day off once in awhile, etc. Therefore, I need to ensure that my time at work is spent on those tasks that bring in the cash. Time is money, as they say.
One thing that takes up a lot of that money time is writing content for, and maintaining, this blog. Now don’t get me wrong; I enjoy crafting stories, but we still “gotsta eat.” Think of any form of media that you consume: music, magazines, newspapers, television programming, etc. The only reason that any of this media exists at all is because good people like yourself are willing to give their hard earned dollars to its creators – who also have to eat. Still need proof? Then consider this; people actually pay writers, well, to gin up the garbage in the “National Enquirer”. Seriously. Somebody is paying cash for that mess.
I realize that a lot of the content on this here interwebs is free for the taking… once you’ve paid your internet bill, of course. I’m also cool with folks stopping by and reading my stories for free – in fact, I think it’s pretty bitchin’ that anyone would spend their precious time reading my drivel. With that said, the less time I have to spend working on non-drivel related jobs, the more time I can spend creating this nonsense. Capiche?
So, if my ramblings add any value to your life; if my musings make you smile in anyway; if you find that you cannot stand another episode of “American Idol” and would rather spend your time here; then, by all means… please consider “Paying the Ransom” by making a donation.
Your contributions are not tax deductible, but neither is your subscription to Mad Magazine!